Saturday, May 21, 2011

21st May '11 - Change

So, again, time has got away from me on this whole online thought sharing idea. I feel a personal disappointment in relation to losing a public, ongoing record for my own development and journey.

Regardless... here I am, I'm changing things to the best I can, and this will change too, in more ways than one.

Been a tough start to the year. February, I think I was seeing things in a positive light due to the new living environment, but it has been tough and started to take it's toll.

I had to reapply for my job due to the council and governments new way of raping the public services... got the job back, but now figuring out new work patterns, and the process was a little bit of a disorganised headache.

The move and travelling into and out of town has taken a lot of acclimatisation. I've been Longboarding a lot as a way to commute to and from home to the station and then onto work from Southend. Been co-establishing and developing Southend Longboarding, a group developed to promoting safe, fun Longboarding in and around Southend. Good exercise and  its all I've been able and willing to do given the sheer amount of work I've been doing, as well as recovering from my wrist injury since January which has ruled Parkour/upper body work out of the window.

My family is going through some serious stuff, my dad has a brain tumour and so we're going through his treatment and what have you, lots to go into, that I won't here. Coming to terms with much and questioning more.


Been feeling in an odd place. Lots of ups and downs, in thoughts and feelings, in longings and doings. Periods of community and belonging, contrasted by feelings of separation and being lost.

It's been odd.

It's funny, the more I go through things, and come to reflect upon what's happening with me and those around me, more it seems life is a cycle of fresh starts, new beginnings and seasons of maturing. That being said, I'm gonna share a little about my spiritual thoughts and (What I hope to be) 'development'. I hope and pray that it will reiterate/reaffirm my own thoughts, but also that you can share in them, on your journey, and be reminded that we are all fighting a hard fight, and that you, are not Alone.

I've been a lot more reflective over the months, really thinking about 'where I am' now, compared to where I 'was', and where I could be or, at least want to be heading. I'm realising my own being lodged here. There's so much to pay attention to, and to put real, conscious energy into. As such it's been hard to focus, decide, or comprehend where the future's could take me.

Maybe that's the point of this whole part of my life, all the reason for these events and circumstances; there to get me focused, back in the here, and now....

The only thing I feel fairly certain about at the moment, is that a few years back, when I was following some books and ways of approaching life and thoughts, seemed to help, so I'm trying to reaffirm those truths in my life be rereading, re-challenging and regaining drive, motivation and a capacity to see and accept the bigger picture of my life.

We're always on a path.  
It's not about trying to find one, but gaining vision and awareness to see that we're already on it. 
With acceptance of our ignorance, comes a clearer view. Humility 
It breaks through the clouds on the path in front of us, allowing us to see further afield when the path is flat and straight.
The challenges we face come in different forms. 
Some seem like violent gusts, pushing us over, narrowing our choices into a specific area. 
We often find them uncomfortable and we dislike our circumstances, but in reality, they show us areas of weakness and a means to improve them, bringing us into a balance with our skill, experience, resilience and life path. 
We must relax into them. 
At other times, the winds of the world whisper words into the thick mist. Sometimes we lack the sensitivity or want to hear them, and we listen to our arrogant selves, taking detours and rocky routes. Sometimes the winds raise doubts in ourselves and we choose to hide from the choices needed to be made, keeping us from truth and progression. 
We must quiet ourselves and listen to the voice 'within'. 
Either way, our path is paved through action. Through doing 
It allows us to learn and grow, though whichever choice we make if we have the senses, balanced and open.

In the paradox of our unknowing, we have the drive to seek. Maybe we keep looking in the wrong places and maybe the true place to look for answers isn't in the field tangible things that can be measured and extracted, but within ourselves, asking the questions so many run away from and create addictions and destructions to avoid.

We are made to be ourselves, making sense of who you are allows you to impact yourself and your world, and will encourage others to do the same as you share and grow together through the qualities that I can only see as a means to improve and move for the greatest good.

Love, Trust, Truth, Connection, Action, Change, Faith and Hope.

Change is the constant state our our existence. If you see the need to change or create and change, make it happen, pave your path so that others may steadily tread and find you.

Small updates in the near future..


1 comment:

LukeMC said...

I'm very sorry to hear about the situation with your dad. I can't offer much help but know that my thoughts are with you and your family in this tough time.

It's hard to believe how similar one person's journey can be to another's when the two have barely met. When I started reading your blog in 2007, I was only 15 years old and would routinely look for guidance from people like yourself in matters of direction and spirituality. Now I'm 19 and it's almost haunting how I find myself reliving the very same cycles that you have been going through and continue to go through. It was just yesterday that I picked up one of my old books by Dan Millman and began browsing through, looking to refresh my outlook on life. I somehow felt prompted to check your blog for new posts, only to find that you're having a similar moment of consideration. You're absolutely right when you say "you are not alone". Perhaps if we ever do meet again, we'll both have got on top of our lives and be able to share our stories with a feeling of triumph instead of a feeling of being lost.

Keep your eye on the road or you're bound to drive off-track.

Best wishes,